Because of how incredibly popular the character is, Spider-Man has appeared all over movies and television, and with that comes some great writing over the years.An essential Spider-Man traitis some good humor: He’s consistently quipping to throw off his enemies, subdue his nervousness, and keep civilians at relative ease.With so many Spider-Man projects released over his many decades on screen, he’s had plenty of hours to throw out some hilarious quips.
While some Spidey franchises tend to be a tad lighter on the hero cracking jokes, likeSam Raimi’sSpider-Manfranchise, the hero still manages to get a few out. However, other iterations are packed with jokes, especially in the realm of animation. While there have probably been hundreds of jokes made over the many decades he’s been around, making it borderline impossible to rank, there are a few clear contenders for the best of the best.This list will rank the funniest Spider-Man quipsin movies and animation based on how witty, clever, and outright hilarious they are.
Spider-Man
10"A god named Sparkles?"
‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2’ (2014)
Everyone loves a good callback, and after Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield) calls Electro (Jamie Foxx) “Sparkles” earlier in the film, he brings it back for a great jabin their final battle. While duking it out at the power plant, the very confident Electro tells Spider-Man that he’s going to be like a god to the people of New York City. Spidey hilariously throws back, “A god named Sparkles?”
This absurd line totally ruins the villain’s big moment and definitely ticks him off.It does exactly what a Wall Crawler quip needs to: It takes the bad guy down a peg and makes audiences laugh. The line’s effectiveness increases since directly after, Spidey jumps straight into battle by dodging the incoming electric blast. Andrew Garfield has always been one of the funniest Spideys, and this quip is definitely proof.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
9"My fans expect a certain amount of quippage in every battle."
‘The Spectacular Spider-Man’ (2008)
Spider-Man typically doesn’t break the fourth wall with his jokes, but the writers got the chance to slip a small one into the ever-hilarious series,The Spectacular Spider-Man. While fighting Doctor Octopus (Peter MacNicol), the villain asks Spider-Man (Josh Keaton) if he ever shuts up, even though the answer is quite obvious.
It’sa fun nod from the writers to the audience that they 100% understood the assignmentwhen it came to writing the Web Slinger. There’s a very good reason whyThe Spectacular Spider-Manis considered not just one of the best adaptations there is, but one of the funniest, as well. Not to mention,Josh Keaton’s performancehere has some great comedic timing.
The Spectacular Spider-Man
8"On behalf of the fine people of New York City and real Rhinos everywhere, I ask you to put your mechanized paws in the air."
After the horrific death of Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) at the hands of the Green Goblin (Dane DeHaan),The Amazing Spider-Man 2seemed like it was going to end on a pretty dire and somber note. With Peter giving up the mask, grieving the death of the love of his life, and the city up in arms, it certainly looks like the movie is going to end pretty sadly. However, as Spider-Man does best,he brings one last light of hope at theend and even cracks a great joke while he’s at it.
It’s moments like this one that makeSpider-Man such a beloved hero to many.Even after losing Gwen, he cancome to the rescue and insult the Rhino(Paul Giamatti) right after. “On behalf of the fine people of New York City and real Rhinos everywhere, I ask you to put your mechanized paws in the air,” gets a great laugh out of audiences to leave the movie on a more bittersweet note.
7"I’m starting… to think… you’re not.. the Avengers!"
‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ (2017)
What is so fun about finally having Spider-Man (Tom Holland) in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is the fact that he can finallyinteract with the greater Marvel universeof heroes and other characters. DirectorJon Wattsdecided to play this for a fun gag when the Web Slinger comes across a bunch of ATM robbers… dressed as the Avengers. How could it not be fun?
Initially, Spidey jokes around, acting like he thinks these guys are actually the Avengers. As the fight continues, and he starts to get knocked around a little bit, Spidey starts to rethink whether these grunts are actually the Avengers. It’s a funny moment thatshows that Spider-Man will always stick to the bit, so long as there’s a bit to run with.
Spider-Man: Homecoming
6"Why did I get stuck with a janky, old, broke, hobo Spider-Man?"
‘Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse’ (2018)
Before he even truly stepped into his role as the new Spider-Man of his universe, Miles Morales (Shameik Moore) was quipping to himself and others. While teaming up with the schlubby Peter B. Parker (Jake Johnson, one ofthe best Spidey voice actors) to break into Alchemax, Miles begins to truly realize that he got stuck with a pretty down-on-his-luck Spidey. He quips to himself, “Why did I get stuck with a janky, old, broke, hobo Spider-Man?”
Not only is this a funny moment, but it does two great things for the film: it furthersets up the dynamic between Miles and Peter B.and also serves as a quick moment to show Miles coming into his powers. While quipping and complaining to himself, Miles smacks his hand against a boulder next to him and breaks it down the middle. For audiences, in the words of Miles himself, “That’s new!”
Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse
5"Y’know if you’re gonna steal a car, don’t dress like a car thief, man."
‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ (2012)
Despite being a more serious/grounded Spider-Man film compared to all the others in the franchise,Andrew Garfield’s Spider-Manstill finds himself making some hilarious jokes. One of his first true nights out as Spider-Man, while seeking out Uncle Ben’s (Martin Sheen) killer, finds him taking down a Car Thief (Keith Campbell). The scene depicts not only Peter getting to test out his newfound powers, but also shows off his nature by messing with those who come across him.
His later jokes with webbing the Car Thief to the wall are quite funny, but the interaction kicks off witha great moment that also shows off Spidey’s stealth. As the Car Thief goes through the effort to break into the car, the Wall Crawler is already in there and pokes at the Car Thief’s skill and demeanor by saying, “Y’know if you’re gonna steal a car, don’t dress like a car thief, man.”
The Amazing Spider-Man
4"Hey! Wall crawling’s my schtick! You start spinnin' a web, and I’ll sue!"
Spider-Man may be well-known for his ability to crawl on walls, but he’s certainly not the only person in the Marvel universe who can do so. Most notably, one of his greatest villains can also crawl on walls. When facing off against The Lizard (Dee Bradley Baker) inThe Spectacular Spider-ManSeason 1, Episode 3, “Natural Selection”, the hero pursues the creature into the subway tunnels of New York City.
Spidey finds Lizard crawling on the wall/ceiling and shouts, “Hey! Wall crawling’s my schtick! You start spinnin' a web, and I’ll sue!” Despite just discovering that his enemy can match him not only physically but also on a super-powered level now, too, Spidey still makes light of the situation. It is a good example of howhe typically uses humor to ease his mind in perilous situationsbecause, obviously, Lizard cannot understand what he’s saying.
3"Maybe get off the kid’s a**…"
‘Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse’ (2023)
An incredibly compelling aspect of the Spider-Man character has always been the duality of his two lives. Some of the most effective drama comes from the constant battle between his heroic identity and his civilian life. A great scene that shows this off for Miles Morales' life is when, after saving his father from the Spot (Jason Schwartzman), he talks to him to try and get some information out about his dad’s true feelings towards him.
When Jefferson Davis (Brian Tyree Henry) says Miles is smart but does stupid things, Miles quietly retorts, “Maybe get off the kid’s a**“The line is humorous, not just because of the young hero’s reaction, butbecause of dramatic irony, due to Jeff having no clue that he’s actually talking to his son. It adds a lighthearted feeling to a conversation that does truly mean a lot tothis animated Spider-Man.
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
2"Excuse me, can I come in this way, or do I have to break my own window?”
One of Spider-Man’s favorite things to do is make an entrance, and he often does so with a good quip. When the Green Goblin (Steve Blum) is attacking after breaking into the gala through a window, the Wall Crawler interrupts the Goblin’s moment by asking the room, “Excuse me, can I come in this way, or do I have to break my own window?”
While most superheroes would just burst in and get to business, Spidey, of course, has to make a big moment of it to ruin the enemy’s big moment.
A good entrance from Spidey is always a ton of fun, and this is one of his best inThe Spectacular Spider-Man. He also oftenbrings out his best quips when facing off with his greatest enemies, which frustrates them to no end — just ask the Green Goblin. While most superheroes would just burst in and get to business, Spidey, of course, has to make a big moment of it to ruin the enemy’s big moment.
1"Wow, two moms and still so ill-behaved?”
When Spider-Man first meets Kraven the Hunter (Eric Vesbit) face-to-face inThe Spectacular Spider-Man, he quickly takes note of Kraven’s wild costume and asks him where he came from. When the villain responds, “Mother Russia, by way of Mother Africa,” Peter can’t help but joke, “Wow, two moms and still so ill-behaved?“This quip is absolutely gut-wrenchingly hilarious.
When the villain responds, “Mother Russia, by way of Mother Africa,” Peter can’t help but joke, “Wow, two moms and still so ill-behaved?”
The idea of Kraven coming from a family of two mothers and still, somehow, coming out as villainous as he is, is incredibly funny.The comedic timing of this joke is also phenomenal, with the Web Slinger responding almost immediately. Spider-Man’s ability to improvise a joke on the spot is one of the reasons fans have gotten so many great quips over the years and why he is one of the funniest superheroes there is.
