What does it take for a film to be truly, genuinely unwatchable? Perhaps the writing is painfully bad, the story terribly dull, the dialogue and character arcs stiff. Perhaps the technical qualities are the lackluster ones, and they make the movie tough to get through. Perhaps everything about the film is wrong and broken on a fundamental level. Whatever the case, there have been plenty of drama movies over the years that are about as close to unwatchable as films come.
For whatever reason, history’s most unwatchable dramas are proof that, sometimes, movies are so incompetently made that they’re not even so-bad-they’re-good:They’re just tortuous to sit through, plain and simple. Big genre films like fantasy (see:Cats) and sci-fi (see:Battlefield Earth) will not be considered for this list—but that’s perfectly okay, because there are still plenty of atrocious dramas left outside that realm to talk about.
Directed by Harold Cronk
Faith-based films don’t need to be awful. From classics likeThe Ten Commandmentsto modern gems likeScorsese’sSilence, Christian cinema in particular has some really good stuff here and there. However, it’s abysmal dramas likeGod’s Not Deadthat give the genre a bad name. It’s the story ofa new college student who believes God exists, and is willing to challenge his philosophy professor’s atheist curriculum.God’s Not Deadhas a whopping four sequels—all awful movies, but surprisingly,none able to parallel the level of cinematic incompetence on display here. Professor Radisson is one ofthe worst movie villains in history, the film as a whole is philosophically and intellectually vacuous, and there is no artistic value to speak of. Non-Christians are unlikely to be interested, and Christians deserve a better movie that doesn’t insult their intelligence.
God’s Not Dead
9’Gotti' (2018)
Directed by Kevin Connolly
TheJohn Travolta-starringGottiis one ofthe worst biopics of the last three decadesnot because it’s bafflingly messy (although it definitely is), not because it’s incoherent to the nth degree (although it definitely is),and not because it’s made with the utmost artistic incompetence (although it definitely is), but because it’s lethally and criminally boring.
There’s the slightest bit of so-bad-it’s-good-ness inGotti, but it’s insignificant next to the incomprehensibly rushed narrative and the presentation of the subject’s life that feels like a poorly put-together Wikipedia article come to life. For a while during 2018 and 2019, it seemed thatGottihad the potential to become a modern cult classic, but it even failed at that.
8’Glitter' (2001)
Directed by Vondie Curtis-Hall
As it turns out,Mariah Careyisn’t only one of the greatest vocalists in recorded history, but also an actress. As it turns out, she’s not particularly good at it. Her first-ever leading role was inthe atrocious vanity projectGlitter, where she playsa young singer dating a DJ who helps her get into the music business, though their relationship becomes complicated as she ascends to superstardom.Carey’s performance is bad enough,but the rest of the movie doesn’t work in any sense, either. The directing is dull at best, the retro visuals are ugly enough to put anyone off of watching the film altogether, and the writing is just a lazy collection of boring clichés. The musical scenes where Carey gets to show off what she’s actually good at help makeGlitterever-so-slightly more palatable—but thankfully, music videos exist, so there’s no reason to ever get into this nightmarish disaster.
7’The Last Days of American Crime' (2020)
Directed by Olivier Megaton
2020,the year of the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown, wasn’t a particularly great year for cinema. Nevertheless, some undeniably exceptional films did come out—as well as some undeniably atrocious ones, chief among which is Netflix’sThe Last Days of American Crime, whose sole redeeming factor is how funny it is that the director’s surname is one letter away from being Megatron.
According to Rotten Tomatoes, it’s one ofthe worst thrillers ever made, and it’s difficult to disagree. For those who like story-driven action films, this is a disappointment, with some of the most amateurish writing the genre has ever seen. For those who prefer high-testosterone violence, this is a disappointment, with some of the most incompetently shot and edited action sequences in film history. For those who just want a quick turn-your-brain-off piece of entertainment to breeze through, this is a disappointment, with a two-and-a-half-hour runtime that almost feels specifically designed to inflict as much pain as possible on the audience.
The Last Days of American Crime
6’Music' (2021)
Directed by Sia
Siais yet another musician who decided to try her luck at the movies, except that she decided to put her skills behind the camera. Sadly, a great singer does not a decent filmmaker make, and so, Sia’s directing debut,Music, is a disaster of gargantuan proportions. One ofthe worst movie musicals in history, it’s a testament to what artistic tragedies can ensue when you let someone who clearly doesn’t know how to direct a movie direct a movie.
For one, the movie’s poorly-researched, laughably misguided,and painfully inaccurate depiction of autism is genuinely offensive. As if that weren’t enough, the character writing and dramatic tone all fall flat on their faces and then spontaneously combust.Musicfeels more like a collection of pop music videos than an actual film, but the atrocity linking the videos together makes the whole project impossible to stomach in its entirety.
5The ‘Fifty Shades’ Trilogy
Directed by Sam Taylor-Wood and James Foley
It’s unfortunate to say it, but as far as erotic dramas go, theFifty Shadesseries needs no introduction. The highest-grossing erotic film series in history, and even amongthe highest-grossing romance movies of all time, they clearly attracted the curiosity of the public—but that doesn’t mean that they were positively perceived at all.
They all contain some atrocious performances, and none of them contain a single scene of eroticism that’s actually effectively steamy.
Indeed,Fifty Shades of Greyhas a 25% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, while both its sequels,Fifty Shades DarkerandFifty Shades Freed, sport an even more embarrassing 11%. They’re all, however, indistinguishable in terms of quality, or lack thereof. They’re all embarrassingly written in every way, they all contain some atrocious performances, and none of them contain a single scene of eroticism that’s actually effectively steamy. As dramas that fail at everything they set out to do, theFifty Shadesmovies are truly unwatchable.
Fifty Shades of Grey
4’United Passions' (2014)
Directed by Frédéric Auburtin
There have been plenty of shamelessly corporate films made throughout history, but few cases are as clear, egregious, and embarrassing asUnited Passions, which depicts FIFA not as a flawed organization, but as the second coming of Christ in the world of sports. One ofthe worst films of the 21st century,one could say that it’s a disaster that must be seen to be believed, but that would be like saying that rat poison must be ingested to be believed. Sure, you’ll get what all the fuzz is about, but the experience is likely to result in discomfort, pain, and vomiting.
Aside from being ethically deplorable,United Passionsis boring. Very boring. It offers absolutely nothing of narrative or artistic value, and its self-aggrandizing nature ranges between being cringe-worthy and straight-up infuriating. Not even its self-congratulatory melodramatic approach makes it saccharine enough to make it unintentionally funny. It’s just bad.
United Passions
3’Ben & Arthur' (2002)
Directed by Sam Mraovich
There are some exceptional LGBTQ+ romance dramas out there.Ben & Arthurisn’t one of them.ThinkThe Roomlevels of quality, but make it gay. The caveat is thatBen & Arthurisn’t anywhere near the level of camp and unintentional entertainment ofTommy Wiseau’s magnum opus; its non-existent level of technical, artistic, and narrative quality is far too awful for anyone to parody.
Everything aboutBen & Arthurlooks and sounds cheap, from the home-video-style camerawork to the public domain music to the amateurish performances. It’s one ofthe worst romance movies ever made, but because it’s so bad that no one has been willing to pick it up in years, it has never gotten the cult reception that it might look like it’s ripe for. It’s unlikely to ever happen.
Ben & Arthur
2’Bolero' (1984)
Directed by John Derek
Directed byJohn Derekand starring his then-wife,Bo Derek(the couple married in 1976, when Bo was 19 and John was 49),Bolerohas long been regarded as one ofthe most unwatchable movies ever made. It has earned itself a 0% approval rating from critics on Rotten Tomatoes, and it isn’t hard to see why—although it’s best to not even see the film to begin with.
Bolero, a glorified softcore porno, has some of theworst writing, worst directing, and worst acting ever put on celluloid. Its story and the way it’s portrayed are ludicrous, but not quite wild enough to make this a so-bad-it’s-good classic. Instead, the overly serious dramatic tone preventsBolerofrom ever feeling like anything more than an unwatchable waste of time and energy.
1The ‘365 Days’ Trilogy
Directed by Barbara Białowąs and Tomasz Mandes
Sadly, it’s typically romance movies that end up becoming the worst dramas in film history. Sadly, Netflix’s365 Daystrilogy is no exception. The streaming giant should be ashamed that its brand will forever be attached to these three Polish “erotic” (they’re not steamy in the slightest) “thrillers” (they’re about as thrilling as a paperclip convention).
Three ofthe worst movies of all time,365 Daysand its sequels,365 Days: This DayandThe Next 365 Days, don’t deserve an audience. Incompetently made, poorly performed,and so overtly misogynistic and morally outdated that it’s baffling that they ever got greenlit, these three cinematic disasters are technically humanly possible to watch, but there are plenty of more pleasant experiences out there in the world, like getting mauled by a lion.
