To date,Quentin Tarantinohas not directed a full-on horror movie, let alone a zombie movie, withGrindhouseprobably being the closest he came (given he directed one half of that double feature, and the other half,Robert Rodriguez’sPlanet Terror, did involve zombie-like creatures). So, what’s about to follow is purely speculation, very silly, and probably not even qualifiable as a thought experiment, considering so little thought has to be put into it…
…But… imagine if all the main characters from every Quentin Tarantino movie found themselves in a zombie movie.What follows is the order they would probably die in, or, if you’d rather picture them each in their own zombie movie, they’re ranked by approximately how long they would last, starting with the instantly dead and ending with those who might well make it out alive. In instances where it’s hard to pick a main character (like the films with ensemble casts), the character played by the top-billed actor will be considered. Each of these characters also holds at least one weapon in each of their films, so imagine they get to keep those in the zombie apocalypse(s) in question, too.
9Vincent Vega
Featured in ‘Pulp Fiction’ (1994)
It’s hopefully not too controversial to suggest that Vincent Vega, fromPulp Fiction, would be toast if he found himself in a zombie movie-type situation. He’s probably the closest thing to a main character inPulp Fiction,andJohn Travoltais billed first, so that’s why he’s here. Butch and Jules would probably last longer, seeing as they seem more resourceful, and they also survive the events ofPulp Fiction.
If he’s the kind of person who leaves a submachine gun lying around whenever he uses the toilet (and he has to use the toilet a lot), or leaves heroin unattended, too (leading to a near-fatal overdose), how long will it take him to slip up if the undead are around?
It’s remarkable that Vincent survives as long as he does in his own film. If he’s the kind of person who leaves a submachine gun lying around whenever he uses the toilet (and he has to use the toilet a lot),or leaves heroin unattended, too (leading to a near-fatal overdose), how long will it take him to slip up if the undead are around? The “Oh man I shot Marvin in the face” situation inPulp Fictionwas bad enough, but having your finger slip on the trigger when zombies are around, potentially killing a fellow survivor while attracting undead hordes due to the sudden noise… yeah, sorry, Vincent’s screwed.
Pulp Fiction
8Jackie Brown
Featured in ‘Jackie Brown’ (1997)
This feels a little rotten to say, butthe titular character inJackie Brown, though cool and charismatic, doesn’t really get the opportunity to show whether she’d do well in a zombie apocalypse. That’s not necessarily Jackie’s fault, since this is a more low-key Tarantino film, lacking the same kind of violence and persistent life-or-death stakes found in many of his other movies (though she does survive a film that a handful of other characters admittedly do not).
Jackie Brownseems level-headed and resourceful, as though she’d probably have good ideas about what to do during the early stages of a zombie outbreak. If she found herself in a group of survivors, one imagines she might do well then, but as an individual judged on physical ability alone, the jury’s still out.Some Pam Girer charactersfrom earlier in her career, though, would likely be able to kick a good deal of zombie ass(see her titular roles in bothCoffyandFoxy Brown).
Jackie Brown
7Major Marquis Warren
Featured in ‘The Hateful Eight’ (2015)
InThe Hateful Eight, a group of people end up confined to one small location, but not because of zombies. Instead, it’s a blizzard raging outside, and even if there were zombies, they wouldn’t be needed to drive conflict. Everyone in the cabin is, indeed, some level of hateful, with mistrust and past conflicts all emerging throughout the film, leading tobloodshed and a great deal of death.
To his credit, Major Marquis Warren lasts the longest out of the main characters, but does seem very close to death’s door byThe Hateful Eight’s end. He knows how to use a gun to some extent, and isboth a Civil War veteran and bounty hunter, so he’d probably put up something of a fight in a zombie apocalypse. Still, he’s fairly old, and what he’s seen being capable of physically in his film isn’t astounding, so his chances are a little more limited when taking those things into account.
The Hateful Eight
6Rick Dalton
Featured in ‘Once Upon a Time in Hollywood’ (2019)
It feels a little unfair, maybe, to take luck into account, even when the ranking is as stupid and subjective as this, but Rick Dalton fromOnce Upon a Time in Hollywooddoes seem like a lucky guy. His proximity to the more physically capable Cliff Booth won’t be taken into account here (now there’s a guy who could survive a zombie apocalypse, given he – allegedly –bestsBruce Leein combatquite easily),but Rick does seem like a man who, more often than not, lands on his feet.
Also, he wields a flamethrower at two points duringOnce Upon a Time in Hollywood: once in a film within the film, andthen once in the actual film’s climax, and that would probably be a helpful weapon to have in a zombie apocalypse for obvious reasons. Without the flamethrower, and if his luck ran out, Rick might not last long, but he’s kind of a fighter and also an underdog, and those qualities would probably come in handy, to some extent.
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
5Mr. White
Featured in ‘Reservoir Dogs’ (1992)
In most zombie movies, you can expect agreat many characters to die throughout, and sometimes, the entire cast is dead before the end credits roll. That’s kind of what happens inReservoir Dogs, too, with a heist going wrong and then revelations following that event leading to further betrayal and death, withMr. White (played byHarvey Keitel)being gunned down right at the end.
But hey, he lasts a while, and Mr. White seems like he’s got pretty good reflexes with a firearm (or two), and he’s got a ruthless sort of attitude that would probably help one be a survivalist in a post-apocalyptic situation (not that that’s always a great thing; seeThe Last of Us). He wouldn’t do the best, andhe didn’t realize who the undercover cop was until it was too late, which might suggest slip-ups among zombies could happen, but Mr. White would still likely put up a good fight if he found himself facing undead hordes.
Reservoir Dogs
4Lieutenant Aldo Raine
Featured in ‘Inglourious Basterds’ (2009)
Like Rick Dalton, Aldo Raine seems like he’s got luck on his side. He’s the closest thingInglourious Basterdshas to a central character, and in said film, almost everyone ends up dead by the end. Hell,Inglourious Basterdsis so ruthless when it comes to character deaths that even people who survived beyond 1944 (when most of the film is set) in real life are shown dying here,with Tarantino gleefully rewriting history… something he also did withOnce Upon a Time in Hollywood.
But unlikeOnce Upon a Time in Hollywood’s Rick Dalton, Aldo Raine seems to be more capable of fighting his way out of a tough situation, and if he was as good as hacking through zombies as he was at hacking through Nazis, then he’d probably do quite well in a zombie apocalypse.He’s got the brute force and toughness of Mr. White combined with the luck of Rick Dalton; he’d be a pretty damn good survivor, it feels safe to say.
Inglourious Basterds
3Django Freeman
Featured in ‘Django Unchained’ (2012)
Django lights a cigarette and stands among the ruins of the Candyland mansion
InDjango Unchained, the titular character is shown to be a survivor based on what little the audience sees of his horrific past. He’s freed from slavery early on in the film, and becomes even more than a survivor when a bounty hunter trains him to be proficient with a firearm, at which point Djangotransforms into something of a one-man army, being one of the few characters to make it out of the film alive.
So, pre-movie Django might not be as capable as he becomes during the film (and presumably after), but if you take into account what he’s survived, and then who he trains to be, it’ssafe to assume Django could handle a great many zombies, possibly even without breaking much of a sweat. Django is a fighter and someone who’s endured a lot, so he’d be well-equipped, all things considered.
Django Unchained
2Stuntman Mike
Featured in ‘Death Proof’ (2007)
So, this one’s tricky. Stuntman Mike is the central character ofDeath Proof, buthe’s also the main villain. He gets the most screen time simply because he’s the only significant character to be part of both the film’s halves. One half sees him terrorizing (and killing) one group of young women, while the other half sees him terrorizing (and being killed by) another group of young women.
It’s also tricky because, yeah, he does ultimately get killed. But the other characters here get to keep their weapons, andStuntman Mike’s weapons of choice are custom-made cars he claims are death-proof, but only if you’re in the driver’s seat. If Mike kept to one of his cars, and just drove around/through zombie hordes, he’d be almost unstoppable. Hell, he’s almost unstoppable inDeath Proof; he just messes with the wrong people,including a woman who out-stunts him, so to speak. Without his car, he goes down hilariously fast, but with his car, and against presumably stupid undead hordes, he’d probably thrive.
Death Proof
1Beatrix “the Bride” Kiddo
Featured in Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2023) and Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
The main character of both volumes ofKill Bill,Beatrix Kiddo (AKA The Bride), is a no-brainer when it comes to picking the number one spot for this particular ranking. Of all the Quentin Tarantino protagonists, she survives the most and alsotakes on the greatest number of peoplein combat. Part of that has to do with her being the main character across two movies, sure, but that does allow her to take on twice as much as the other characters mentioned above.
Not only is she ruthless physically, she’s also got the sort of emotional and mental strength to work her way out of deadly situations (see the harrowing coffin sequenceinKill Bill: Vol. 2, with herbreaking free, ironically enough, evoking zombie movie imagery with her hand bursting out of the ground). If she can take on a small army of Yakuza, and knock off everyone on her “to kill” list, then, yeah, Beatrix can handle a zombie outbreak. She’d make it out alive, and probably do it while protecting her daughter through it all, too.
